So, there are only two guys in this whole fulbright dealie, out of 20 or so. This is because Morocco is having a lot of women’s rights reforms and that makes it a really interesting place for social scientists interested in Women’s studies. Anyway, at the Orientation in Rabat, for some reason, one of the speakers ended up telling us that our society needs more men that cry.
I cannot say this emphatically enough: we have more than enough men that cry.
You know who had a lot of crying men? Rome. And as soon as they had a few too many, their decadent, touchy-feely society fell in on itself. We don’t need men that cry. We need men that feel no emotions other than anger and hunger. We need men with rough hands and ugly faces, calloused hearts and horrible yellow teeth. We need men that know how to start fires and what to do if they are attacked by an alligator. We need men that are veritable walking libraries of cold, heartless logic, capable of making difficult decisions and following through on them even if they might get set on fire or have a spider dangled in front of their face or something much scarier. We need men capable of restraining their ‘feelings’ long enough to make the decision that they think is right, not the one they feel is right. We need more men and fewer of these walking tear factories that happen to be attached to masculine anatomical features.
Remember that scene in The Godfather where the actor starts crying in front of Don Corlione (played, if I recall, by Dom Delouise) and the Don smacks the crap out of him? That’s what we, as a nation, need. We need an unintelligible fat man to beat the crying out of us, shouting “Is this how they taught you to be a man in Hollywood?” Then, and only then, will we be a nation capable of leaving animal parts in the bedrooms of our competitors. (Which is what we need to be.)