The Lament of Roast Beefy O’Weefy

December 31, 2007

I am celebrating New Years with my friend Gina. Gina Ndtonic. Also, I am watching Brad Neely’s comic masterpiece, Wizard People Dear Reader. It is the greatest thing that has ever been done in the history of mankind. 

 Thinking back on it, 2007 was definitely a big year for me. I mean what with the moving to Morocco and all. I think the single biggest thing that happened was that, while sitting on a rooftop in Fes drinking a $2 litre of wine and talking to the moon, I came to the conclusion that even if I end up a total failure and the only job I can find is as a cook in some diner, I can still be happy. I don’t need to split the atom. I don’t need to be a leader of men. I can just make pickles at home and shovel snow in the winter.

That being said, I still plan to split the atom and be a leader of men. It’s just nice to know that I don’t need to be powerful or “successful” to be happy.

I have no New Years Resolutions, though I would like to be done with my Thesis proposal before 2009. Instead, I will pray a New Years Prayer: God, deliver me from Swedish Furniture and clever art. Protect me from clear skin and perfect teeth. Grant me the strength to continue wearing this stupid looking beard by which the ladies are disgusted. Grant me filthy clothes and warty skin and a clear conscience. There’s a statute in the Rodin Museum called Balzac Nude. Balzac was a huge, fat, monstrosity of a man, an absolutely disgusting slice of fatloaf, but he holds his hideous naked carcass with such proud defiance that he’s handsome. May I be more like Balzac Nude and less like the Mona Lisa every coming year. Amen.

Happy New Years, everyone!


A Play In One Act

December 31, 2007

Curtains open. A young man is buying gin at a supermarket.

Teller: (mumbles something.)

Man: What?

Teller: (mumbles something.)

Man: What?

Teller: Don’t you speak French?

Man: (in French) Don’t you speak LOUDER?

Curtains close.

New Apartment

December 31, 2007

Well! I am settling in to my new place. I met with the landlord and everyone at lunchtime, and we just came over and they gave me some keys. Easy as eating pancakes. However, wednesday we have to go to the government office and get things sorted officially. They were closed today for the holiday.

I’ve figured out why the new apartment feels so familiar. It seems like a house down the Jersey Shore. Like, it’s decorated, but in sort of a ‘just visiting’ way, and everything is good, it’s just sort of old. But I have a TV, and I am currently using an unsecure WiFi signal. I am trying not to use up too much bandwith, so as to not irritate whoever I am getting it from.

Anyway, I think I am going to continue unpacking, and will stop by the supermarket for my first properly decent meal in quite some time!

PS – I think there’s a satellite channel here called Das Reich. I have no idea what it is and cant get it to come in.

The White House

December 29, 2007

I cannot say that my original trip to Casablanca was a happy one. This one, however, has been much better. Before I left Fes, to which I had returned for Christmas, I looked up a sort of Moroccan version of Craigslist and armed myself with 20 phone numbers of people with apartments.

The bad news is that the listings were not from the landlords themselves; realty agents had posted them. And neglected to mention that until I had chosen an apartment. I think I am getting a little ripped off, but I only have Fes with which to compare prices, so that might not be fair. But the having to pay an extra fee to the realty agents stings a little. But what do I care? All I need now is to find my raw materials and Ive got nothing but smooth sailing ahead.

I move in on Monday. It is well furnished, has a huge  kitchen, and is above an Acima, sort of the Moroccan version of a Genuardis. They sell beer there, and usually youve got to go outside the building and back in through a separate room. Here, theres just a door you enter near the enterance. So thats certainly not a problem, though I saw no lambics or Hoegaardens. But still; its nice to have. I guess I could also buy groceries there.

The only thing that it doesnt ave is internet. The realty guys said that an apartment with internet in it was something Id only be able to find in America, but they later admitted such places existed but were expensive. I think they were just trying to unload a place on me in a hurry. Easiest months wages they ever made, I am sure.Anyway, a few weeks after I get used to the place, I will make such a nuisance of myself theyll be happy to call up the internet provider and getme wired just to shut me up.

Everything is falling together auite well!


December 25, 2007

So, there’s a shindig tonight. Andrew was going to get the booze at the Marjan, sort of the Moroccan Walmart. I’d heard they had good beer there, but I’ve never gotten up the chutzpah to go look. I give Andrew 100 DH and tell him to get me some sort of fancy Christmas beer. You know, something special.


I put the children of the New Deck’s owner through college by enjoying Hoegaarden. And a Kriek? What could be more Christmasy???

Epic win.

Merry Christmas to All

December 25, 2007

I’m staying a t a comrades house for a few days to celebrate Christmas. He lives in a 4th floor apartment and has a balcony, and the doors were open last night. So as we were sitting, considering cracking open our Chritsmas presents to ourselves (some tall frosty pints) we hear music drifting up from the street. Someone is singing “Come all ye faithful.”

Now in Morocco, that’s a bit strange to hear. So we went down to check it out. From a distance, you know, just in case. It turns out that there is an international church here, and its members were going around to the homes of foreigners and singing Christmas carols. There were maybe 20 or 30 people and they were singing in French, Arabic, and English. Not simultaneously, I mean. They were actually about 2 blocks away.

It was pretty neat to see and really livened up the Christmas spirit around here.

Later tonight there’s a little get together in the old medina. Then tomorrow, I’m returning to Casablanca to go apartment hunting. This time, though, I’ve put my time in Fes to good use: I’ve used the internet to track down 20 leads on apartments. I don’t think I’ve got a prayer of living near the university, but I’ll cook that bird when I get to it.

So anyway, a Merry Christmas to all! Eat an extra whatever you guys eat at this time of year for me! Pookie, demolish that shrimp plate for me!


December 24, 2007

My moustache is once again long enough to wax up at the points. Moroccan mothers, hide your Moroccan daughters, lest they be smitten by my 18th century British charms.