So, 6 days ago I went out for Chinese food with a bunch of people from work. A bunch of Chinese people (more on that in a moment.) Anyway, the restaurant is called Hidden Dragon, and that’s half accurate – I couldn’t find it. I went straight past it (I thought it would be on the left and it was actually on the right) and drove into Ypsilanti. Ypsilanti is the sort of place where you could easily believe unemployment in Michigan is 15% or whatever.
So, I pull into a McDonald’s to call my buddy and found out where the restaurant was. I exit, and I drive down the street, and at the intersection, there’s no stop sign or traffic light. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on, and this woman moseys up to me. I had my window down cause it was hot. She’s giving me a funny look, but I’m still trying to figure out what the deal with the road is, and she says “Want to give me a ride?” I ask her where she’s going, and she says it doesn’t matter. Which confuses me, because, if it doesn’t matter, how’s she going to get there? Then I realize that she’s, ah, so to speak, not one of the unemployed. I say “no thank you” once I realize that. Apparently I’m very polite to hookers. She then asks me for a smoke, which I tell her I don’t have.
When I do that, her entire demeanor changes. She says “Do you realize you’re on a one-way street, sir?” Her voice was totally different, and the way she said ‘sir’ is the way they say ‘sir’ at the post office when you ask something dumb but they still have to be nice to you.
Anyway, the conclusion I came to is that I was propositioned by an undercover cop posing as a hooker in Ypsilanti. On the other hand, my father proposed that Comrade Zhang, the guy that thought it so funny I’m from America, was actually asking me where in America I’m from. “Where are you from?” “America.” “No kidding, you ass. Where in America?” That sort of thing. I’m not 100% sure I buy this theory, but it’s more or less sound. So who knows what on earth was really going on.
The important point about getting Chinese food with genuine Chinese people is that the food was authentic. By which I mean insane. There was a beef-and-tripe dish crusted in some sort of pepper that made the inside of my mouth go totally numb. There was a beef and hot peppers dish, a rabbit and hot peppers dish, and a hot pepper and hot peppers dish. There were also some sorts of soup that tasted like they melted down the sun and put it in a bowl. It was amazing, and I want to go again. A thousand times.
Totally unrelated: my computer is kaput, and I can’t figure out how to format the drive. Window’s doesn’t load, so I’m looking for that shortcut that lets me get to the command prompt so I can just drop some format c:\ and start over. Any help? Anyone?
EDIT: I should mention that I told the hooker story to my friend, and she claims that it’s clear evidence that I am a paranoid delusional, and the woman was just a regular hooker and not a police officer. But the hooker looked exactly like a hooker ought to! Too much so, in fact. Thus, it must have been a disguise.