A Play in Two Acts

Act one: A handsome young man is travelling from Philadelphia to Istanbul, via Paris. The plane ride is a nightmare, and arrives in Paris two hours late, so he misses his connection. The return trip, Sofia to Philadelphia via Paris, is again with Delta Airlines, and is again a nightmare. At the Paris ticket desk, he’s informed he’s been bumped off of the flight. Under pressure, the gate agent, not realizing the dashing gentleman speaks french picks up a phone and says “He wants to get on the flight. No, he’s being very nice about it. Yes, he’s right here. Yes, very nice. His ticket is in order. He did not make any errors, it’s our fault. Yes. Yes. Oh? I will send him over.” And the young man sprints through the airport, stopping only to shout “BIG EVERYTHING, MON AMI!” at a security guard that points at him and says “BIG SHOES! HAHA!”

Act Two: A chemistry lab. The phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Planflarg abuldeebop?”

“Hello? I can’t hear you. Speak a little louder?”

“Flimbloawg Sakoolish?”

“This is Aaron Sakulich. Who is this?”

“blingflap pronouncing your name wrong, mindsserb Sakoolsush. Flimblarg Charles De Gaulle.”

“What? Who is this?”

“Bindlefagaadsg wanted to extend a courtesy to you on vbeflaf of Delta Airlines.”

“Okay?”

“We will despondizt fliblarg frequent flyer miles into your account for sbleeeepblarg inconvenience.”

“What? I don’t have an account.”

“Purrgy flrapl lop anything else to add to the email you sent us?”

“Wait, I don’t have an account. How do I use those frequent flyer miles?”

“Bindlesghadf.”

“What?”

“Thank you for flying with Delta Airlines.”

“What? Hello? Hello?”

(curtain).

Epilogue: Delta airlines, will I ever not be dissatisfied by you? Even your attempts to please me by giving me free stuff, which should be real easy, are an abject failure.

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One Response to A Play in Two Acts

  1. Dad says:

    Filius:

    Just caught up on your blogs. Several weeks ago, your reference to God slamming down a toilet seat has to be one of your finest metaphors in a career of outstanding one liners.

    Pater Magnum

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