So, I drink a lot of beer. I won’t say how much, because I’m not here to impress you. Or embarass you. Or intimidate you. All of which would happen were I to quantify such things. Anyway, beer drinking gives you a superpower that you don’t get from drinking other kinds of alcohols: I can find any toilet in the dark. Lock me in a pitch black warehouse, and I will be able to find my way to the toilet in record time. Telepathy? Ecolocation? Radar? I don’t know, but it’s my superpower.
So there I was helping to build the set for a stage production of the Mikado, and I go to use the bathroom. Unfortunately, the light bulb is burnt out, and the spare was, inexplicably, also burnt out. So I lock the door, walk straight to the throne, and sit down. Because I’m a superhero like that.
Anyway, every superpower has its blind spots, and the Kryptonite Achilles Death Star Exhaust Port of my superpower is that while I can home in on a toilet with superb accuracy, I can’t necessarily find toilet paper. I grope around a bit, and find nothing. It’s not in any of the usual places. Finally, I feel a cardboard box, with a little divot sort of thing in it. Like you would keep paper towels in.
“I am quite certain that this box contains toilet paper.” I said out loud, as I reached into the box. At that moment, out poured a black cloud of deadly, merciless hornets.